Family Values
by DhampyrX2
Summary: Wednesday Addams is getting married. She wants her family to be there. Or at least the members that won't ruin the ceremony. And that includes a certain one-eyed carpenter. Will contain elements from the Addams family musicals, the New Addams Family TV show, and the movies. And maybe some 60's show references.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Family Values

Author: DhampyrX2

Genre: General

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Don't sue me, I'm poor.

Summary: Wednesday Addams is getting married. She wants her family to be there. Or at least the members that won't ruin the ceremony. And that includes a certain one-eyed carpenter. Will contain elements from the Addams family musicals, the New Addams Family TV show, and the movies. And maybe some 60's show references.

If you asked Wednesday Addams at most points of her life, she would tell you she didn't do happy. Or at least, she didn't do it the way "normal people" did happy. For her, happy was torturing Pugsley on the rack. Or scaring some poor sap to death. Or seeing her parents dance across the cemetery as Uncle Fester led the rest of them in a rousing game of Wake the Dead.

But now, happiness was Lucas. Lucas, who won over her father with his dream to be a medical examiner and look in dead bodies all day. Lucas, who let her shoot at him with her crossbow while _**she**_ was blindfolded to prove his devotion to her. Lucas, who her mother still loathed with a passion for being "normal."

"Happy and sad together, right Father?" Wednesday asked herself as she looked out over the family graveyard. She still didn't know what to do about her mother. While every Addams, and most Frumps, embraced the Darkness wholly, her mother was almost fanatical about it. Her father, for all the Darkness in him, looked a life with a zeal that made Wednesday weary at the thought of trying to keep up with the man. He could walk in the Light and only seem eccentric until you looked deeper. But Morticia Addams? She wanted nothing to do with the light of day.

Then again, Wednesday understood her mother's point of view. Unlike Father's side of the family, there were a few white sheep in the Frump family tree. There were even members of the family that were so normal they did not have the remarkable resistance to damage that exemplified both of Wednesday's family lines. And the worst example of that group was the reason for her mother's angst over Lucas, Wednesday was certain. Jessica Harris nee Frump. Her mother's second cousin and once Morticia Frump's closest childhood confidant. Then again, with Aunt Ophelia and Cousin Melancholia for close family, who else did her mother have to turn to?

Yes, Cousin Jess, for all that she was what some deranged Harry Potter fan might call a Squib of the family has loved spending time with Morticia. At least, she had until she had married that drunken lout Anthony Harris and moved away to California of all places. Morticia blamed Anthony and how "normalcy" for taking the only friend she had until she had married Gomez Addams away from her. In a way, it was losing Cousin Jess that made her mother so paranoid about secrets. After all, Jess had hidden the fact she was dating a man until it was too late.

Ironically, after their respective marriages, the only part of Jess' life that her mother would even acknowledge was Jess' son Alexander "Xander" Harris. Now Xander was fun. He came to visit over the summers sometimes all the way back to when Wednesday was still in Elementary School. He was somewhat resistant to damage, at least the blunt force kind, and would still play with her and Puggsly even if he would get hurt. For all that he seemed too cheerful to be an Addams, it was more the comical cheerfulness of her father than the vapid kind that surrounded "normal" people. And he never judged them for their Darkness. In some ways, Wednesday was reminded of Xander when she met Lucas. That was probably why she talked to him at all.

That reminded her, he and Grandma Griselda were probably the only two members of mother's family she wanted at the wedding. Cousin Catastrophia would wreck it without meaning to, Cousin Melancholia would cry the whole time, and Aunt Ophelia… well that was like rubbing salt in a wound (the not-fun way) to invite her chronically single Aunt to her niece's wedding. Still, it would be good to invite Xander. If nothing else, she was sure he would get along well with Lucas. And she was interested in hearing what the latest news was from his travels through Africa. Maybe had had new scars he could show her and Pugsely? After all, his missing eye had been so beautiful. It was with that thought in mind that she went inside to find her mother. The thought of Xander visiting would make her happy too.

Morticia was going all she could busy her mind with wedding preparations as she tried to ignore the less appealing parts of Mal And Alice Beineke's personalities for the sake of the children as she went over guest lists with her fellow future mother in law. Alice certainly seemed less annoying now that the flames of her marriage had been reignited. Now if only Morticia could convince the woman to get over wearing such bright colors.

"Morticia, are you sure there aren't more people you want to invite?" Alice asked as they looked over the compiled list. For all that the Addams' seemed like a large and somewhat close-knit family, Morticia had been content to only invite her mother, and even that had been begrudgingly. Gomez has inadvertently made some uncomfortable parallels between herself and her mother that made Morticia uneasy. But still, her mother would want to see Wednesday get married. If she closed her eyes, maybe she could pretend it was Ophelia.

"No, I think my mother would be enough. My sister would be upset at a wedding like this. And my other cousins would be disruptive," Morticia explained.

"Why would your sister be upset? Because the kids are only eighteen?" Alice asked.

"Because they are getting married and she still hasn't had the chance. Well other than her arranged marriage to Gomez, of course. But that obviously fell through," Morticia explained with a wicked smile.

"Your sister and your huband were arranged to be married? They still do things like that in the world?" Alice asked, scandalized.

"Older sister; and yes. It's a long standing tradition with Addams men. One that has never led to a single divorce. Although there have been a few untimely deaths," Morticia explained.

Alice did her best to avoid the macabre comment, as she knew that was just Morticia's way, and instead focused on the fact that Morticia had apparently managed to steal Gomez away from her sister. That kind of tidbit just had to be expanded upon. Her desire for more details was cut short, though, as Wednesday entered the parlor room where the pair had been going over wedding arrangements.

"Mother?" Wednesday asked in her typical deadpen.

"Yes, ma enfante?" Moricia asked.

"Did you remember to invite Cousin Xander. I'd like him to be there and I know he's back in the country," Wednesday inquired.

"Alexander? Oh dear, I did forget. Of course I will add him to the guest list. I know how you and Pugsley must miss him. And he can bring his shovel, too, just in case," Morticia sad, muttering the last bit to herself.

"_Mother,_" Wednesday emphasized, knowing full well what Morticia meant.

"A shovel. Is he a landscaper?" Alice asked as she looked between the two Addams women.

"No. He was a construction foreman and he currently has been promoted to the North American head for the International Watchers Council operating out of the Cleveland office," Wednesday explained with a small note of pride.

"My, that certainly does sound impressive. But if he has an executive position of some kind why would he need a shovel?" Alice asked.

Morticia face blossomed into a mischievous grin as she replied, "For a talk with Lucas about hurting Wednesday. After all a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend."

And somewhere many miles away, Xander Harris felt the urge to grin like a loon and sharpen his favorite battleaxe. He wondered which one of the baby Slayers under his care was going on a date soon to warrant that reaction?


	2. Chapter 2

It was two days later that Xander learned just why his "new boyfriend sense" was tingling. And he had to say, it was in the last place he expected it to happen. _Wednesday's getting married? Wednesday Friday Addams? That's crazy. She's just a baby. She's like two whole years younger than Dawnie, even,_Xander thought to himself.

"Man, Cousin Ophelia is going to blow a gasket over this one," Xander muttered to himself. His reverie was cut short, though, when a voice intruded on his private mental world.

"Whoa there Boytoy. You have serious "papa bear" face going on there. One of the minis going on a date or is the Pip finally looking a direction other than you?" Faith LeHane, the second most senior Slayer asked at the sight of the face of the head Watcher for North America.

Xander's little scowl deepened as he grunted out, "Worse."

"B dating someone again? Do I need to round up bog bad disposal duty?" Faith asked.

"Nothing like that, Faith," Xander replied with a shake of his head as he looked down toward the black invitation with spider web decorations in his hands as if it was going to bite him. Then again, if he wasn't Wednesday's and Pugsley's favorite nephew, it very well may have. Auntie Tisha still had an immense bit of bad blood with Xander's own mother. Which Xander, personally, thought was silly at this point given that his father had been too stubborn to leave Sunnydale when his wife fled and was buried at the bottom of the crater with the rest of the town. With the source of the conflict between them gone, he had no idea why his mother and Morticia did not bury the proverbial hatchet. Or even a real one of another family game of Wake the Dead got out of hand…

"So what's the what, then, X? You look ready to storm the castle," Faith prodded after a moment.

"My baby cousin is getting married apparently," Xander answered so flatly that anyone hearing him would immediately see his family resemblance with Wednesday.

"O…k. Ain't that a good thing? Love conquering all and puppies and kittens and crap?" Faith asked.

"She's only eighteen. And trust me, Wednesday doesn't do cheerful, so puppies and kittens are out," Xander responded with a bittersweet smirk.

"Ah. Need a hand to come with and help haul away the body then?" Faith offered only half-jokingly. In truth, with B, Red, G, and the Pip all overseas on various assignments Faith almost felt like she had to keep track of Xander on something like this. She was a close to an original Scooby as there was there to support the newly named head for the area. Besides, it beat sitting at home thinking about her breakup with Wood. And if Xander's family was half as entertaining as he was it should be good a few laughs.

Xander gave her a speculative look before he shrugged and replied, "It's in New York in a few weeks if you're up for it. Just promise not to try to slay any of them. They're a little creepy sometimes."

"Ah, how kooky could your relatives be X? You're the one with the mysterious job fightin' demons and stuff," Faith dismissed.

"I'm warning you they have a dark sense of humor, Faith. You can ask Willow about them sometime. But I promise, they're not evil. They're just… spooky," Xander promised.

"As long as you're there for them X, I'm sure everything will be fine, I mean that's what family is supposed to be right?" Faith asked.

"Yeah. As long as we're all together it'll be okay," Xander shot back with a fond smile. He wondered if Wednesday still had Homer? Faith would get a kick out of the giant tarantula in a way Willow failed to do, he was sure. Oh, and Cleopatra had to be huge at this point. He'd have to pick her up a prime rib or something.

* * *

As Xander and Faith discussed plans to travel to the Addams manor, Gomez was doing his level best to school young Lucas Beineke, his future son-in-law, in the fine art of swordplay. Fencing was something of a tradition among Addams men, after all. As for Lucas, he seemed to have taken his cues from Morticia and Lurch as he kept his rapier in an en guarde position and let Gomez frenetically engage his blade while moving as little as possible.

"Haha! You're doing better, my boy. Soon you will be swordsman of the greatest renown," Gomez promised as he finally disarmed the young man.

"Thanks Mr. Addams," Lucas replied with a wide smile.

"Ah-ah. I told you before, son, Gomez or Father. After all, you'll be family soon enough," Gomez playfully admonished the lad.

"Okay, Gomez," Lucas accepted with a grin. He truly liked his future father-in-law. Gomez Addams had a zest for life that you couldn't help but get caught up in. And the passion he still held for his wife and his family after 25 years of marriage was something that Lucas could not help but aspire to emulate. He could only pray he and Wednesday would still be so in love after so long being married. Well, assuming Wednesday didn't finish him off with a crossbow or something. But if she did, she did. That was the life of a man in love with Wednesday Addams. You learned to treasure every moment like it could be your last.

"Hey guys, great news," Fester Addams exclaimed as he entered the library where Gomez and Lucas had been fencing.

"What's that, old man?" Gomez asked as he eyed his clearly excited brother.

"I overheard Morticia, Alice, and Wednesday talking about the wedding right now and Wednesday for them to invite Cousin Xander," Fester reported with a wide smile.

"Ah. Excellent! The children will be thrilled to see him again. And Pugsley has wanted advice of various military grade blasting tools that we don't often use here," Gomez exclaimed as he took out and lit himself a fresh cigar.

"Cousin Xander? Oh, Wednesday mentioned him. He's like her favorite distant cousin, isn't he?" Lucas asked for clarification.

"Indeed he is, my boy. Young Xander is Wednesday and Pugsley's third cousin on my beloved Cara Mia's side of the family. Although the kids adore him so much you would think he was one of our own," Gomez explained.

"Good head on his shoulders, that boy. I've never seen anyone that was such as natural at wiring a blasting cap to a detonator at ten years old and his skills with a battleaxe and top notch. Just what you need in the fast paced world of business today," Fester added with a sage nod of his head.

"Yes indeed, Brother. And I'm sure he can't wait to meet you Lucas. You two will get along famously. I'm certain of it," Gomez predicted. He politely refrained from voicing the rest of his thought of,_ You're both remarkably good at looking normal without falling into the trap of being totally normal._

"I can't wait to meet him," Lucas responded. After that, he glanced at his watch only to hiss, "I've got to go Gomez, Uncle Fester. I promised Pugsley that I pull the level on the rack for him since Wednesday is busy with the planning. I'll see you both at dinner." And with that he waved to the two older men before sprinting out of the library towards the play room.

The Two Addams men watched the lad leave before Gomez asked, "Do you think Alex will bring the shovel, old man?"

"Hah. He's still upset that Wednesday managed to scare Joel to death before he had his shot. And that was a puppy love boyfriend and twelve. Now she's getting married at eighteen. He'll have at least one Slayer with him. Maybe a whole team of them," Fester assured him.

"Point taken. Well that will make for an interesting reception at least. I just hope young What doesn't start working his charms on whoever Alexander brings with him. That boy is becoming as incorrigible of a flirt as his father and Cousin Vlad put together.

"Ah What's a good kid. Look at how many ladies Cousin Itt went through at that age and he settled down finally. Let him enjoy his youth," Fester advised.

"Well spoken, Fester. Well spoken indeed. Now, what do you say to joining me for a brandy and a toast to family? This wedding will be the most fun we've had since your reunion party.

"I say I'll drink to that, Gomez," Fester responded with a bright smile as the two headed toward the mini-bar in the library to toast their ever-expanding family.


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh dear," Morticia sighed as she looked over the RSVP she had received from her own mother, Hester Griselda Frump.

"What is it, Qeurida?" Gomez asked his wife as he looked up from his game of chess with thing.

"It appears mother was less than discreet about receiving her invitation. She just sent positive replies for herself and for Ophelia. It seems my dear sister was staying with Mama when they received the invitation," Morticia responded with a despondent sigh.

"Look on the bright side darling, now we'll have flowers in the wedding that Mel and Alice will feel less intimidated by. Maybe we could even get her to act as flower girl for the ceremony. Make her feel involved," Gomez suggested.

"What? And take the position from Cleopatra? After all the time Uncle Fester and Pugsley have taken in training her to move in the cart they built for her? That hardly seems fair," Morticia sniffed. The very idea of disappointing her prized carnivorous African Strangler seemed unthinkable to the Addams matriarch.

"You're right as always, my dear. We'll just have to find another way to make your sister feel welcome. Maybe she could give Judo lessons to Lucas?" Gomez postulated.

"Given her habit of developing quick infatuations that might not be the best solution. Remember her dalliance with Cousin Itt?" Morticia reminded her husband.

"How could I forget? It was her attraction to Itt that freed me to chain myself to you for eternity, Tish," Gomez replied with a dreamy smile at his dark goddess.

"We were so different then. You constantly sickly and awkward as you mourned Fester's disappearance. Why I thought you could die at any moment," Morticia reminisced.

"And you socially withdrawn as your mother tried to hide your beauty while she attempted to marry off Ophelia," Gomez responded.

"We were like bats in a belfry from the moment our eyes first met," Morticia agreed.

Gomez rose to take his dear wife into his embrace as he said, "You lit the fires of passion in me again. You made me live as no one else could. To be at your side was all that mattered, even if I had to kill myself to make it happen."

"Life and death, such bliss. And now here we are 25 years later," Morticia purred.

"Cara Mia," Gomez cooed.

"Mon cher," Morticia replied.

"Tish, that's French," Gomez shot back excitedly before kissing his way up Morticia's arm.

"Gomez, I still have to go through the rest of the mail. Work first, play… later," Morticia leered.

"Tish, you tease," Gomez agreed with a shouldering look.

Morticia smiled indulgently at Gomez for a moment before she returned her attention to the mail and exclaimed, "Ah, excellent. Alexander will be able to attend. And it appears he will be bringing his little playmate Faith with him."

"Hmm, Fester was right. He is bringing a Slayer with him. One of the senior Slayers at that. It should make for an interesting reception," Gomez commented.

"I wonder if having the two of them here will attract some kind of horrible beast from the depths of Hell to desecrate the ceremony?" Morticia asked, excited at the possibility.

"If they do I feel a swell of pity for the poor beast," Gomez replied.

"Well, all of Alexander's friends are known to be formidable," Morticia stated.

"Indeed. But it's not them I'd be afraid of. I've seen Wednesday when something she wants is interrupted. The poor creature would begging Xander to finish it off if it interrupted the actual wedding. And Lucas can have a bite to him where our little Paloma is concerned too," Gomez explained.

Morticia's mood darkened even as she conceded, "He is dedicated to our little girl. I'll give you that."

"Tish, they love each other fully. Just like us. He let Wednesday shoot at his while she was blindfolded to prove his undying love. You have to admit that's a step up from the Glicker boy when she was twelve," Gomez countered.

"I had such hopes for Joel. He reminded me of you when you when we met. But to die of fright at such as young age. Such fragility could never handle the life of an Addams," Morticia lamented.

"Whatever else Lucas may be Tish, he is dedicated to out girl. You should see how he throws himself into life as an Addams already. Why just the other day he was torturing Pugsley while Wednesday was busy in here with you and Alice," Gomez confided.

"Really? Well it's nice to see him getting along with his future brother-in-law," Morticia replied.

* * *

Meanwhile, as Gomez and Morticia discussed the wedding, Xander had a related topic on his mind.

"Hey Wills, I need you to do a search for me. I need all the info you have on a Lucas Beineke from Ohio. He should be around Dawn's age," Xander said over the phone as he skimmed over the Slayer and Watcher reports for the week. "No. Nothing work related. Actually, he's marrying my cousin in a couple of weeks. Wednesday. Yes. Yes, I'm sure. Yes, the Wednesday that used to raise spiders and gave me the tarantula that freaked you out so bad when we were kids. Wills, I explained that she was trying to be thoughtful. Achilles was one of the first offspring of her prized spider Homer. I know it still freaked you out. Well it's kind of moot since Mom made me send him back anyway. So, back on topic, I need to know more about this guy marrying Wednesday. That's Wills, you're the best. Just email me whatever you dig up. Love you too. Bye Wills."

"Using Red to dig up dirt? Don't we have pencil pushers that could do stuff like that?" Faith asked from the doorway to Xander's office.

"This isn't Slayer business, it's family. That means core Scoobies only," Xander replied with a shrug.

"Fair enough. So, what should I know for this shindig?" Faith asked after a moment.

"A dress would be cool but my family isn't the type to stand of traditions like that so don't sweat it if you don't want to. Well Grandma Frump might complain, but she likes to complain about just about everything. Kind of her way of staying young. And anything with dark colors would be good. Black is a favorite for Aunt Tisha and Wednesday both, so anything black will be appreciated. Avoid bright colors like the plague and just try to roll with whatever you see going on," Xander advised.

"So pretty much be the exact opposite of B is what you're saying," Faith replied.

"Yeah. Be yourself," Xander agreed with a cheeky smirk.

It took Faith a moment to process what Xander just said before she narrowed her eyes at her nominal boss and flipped him off.

"Don't make offers you aren't ready to follow through on, Faith," Xander warned her with a roll of his eyes.

"Been there, done that, boytoy. Although you weren't too bad for having the big V. Maybe I want to see what you learned," Faith teased.

"Keep dreaming," Xander shot back with a smile.

"Nah. That's your job," Faith replied with an equal grin. After a moment to revel in the comfortable atmosphere, she added, "So you want me to help put the fear of God into the groom?"

"I appreciate the thought, but if he's marrying Wednesday he won't scare easily. I'm just going to lay out a few home truths to him is all. Like the fact that there's never been a divorce in the Addams clan," Xander explained.

"Wait. No divorces? Ever? Are you serious?" Faith asked, impressed.

"Closest you get is on my side of the family with my Cousin Ophelia getting dumped or left at the altar all the time. Same for Cousin Melly. Or Cousin Cat. Actually, other than Aunt Tisha, no woman in my mom's generation had much luck with guys. But they don't get married to start off. And technically, they're Frumps, not Addamses," Xander elaborated.

"So what's the secret on your Uncle'e side then?" Faith asked.

"Let's just say that when an Addams woman says "until death do us part" it's more of a promise than lip service and leave it at that," Xander said with a wicked smile.

Faith stared at Xander dumbfounded for a moment before she finally broke down into laughter. "You had me going there for a second, Boytoy," Faith exclaimed.

_Why do they never believe it until they see it for themselves? Wills is still pulling a serious Sunnydale Syndrome from meeting my family that one summer when he parents had to take off and I stayed with Auntie Tisha. I guess it's just something you have to see for yourself,_ Xander lamented in his head without bothering to correct Faith's assumption. If nothing else, it would make the first meeting more interesting for Faith to keep her preconceived notions.


	4. Chapter 4

It was all Lucas could do to keep the stupid grin off of his face as he and Wednesday enjoyed a nighttime picnic in the swamps near her home. It was the first bit of truly alone time they had managed together since their mothers had hijacked the wedding planning from them. It made him wish he had accepted his sweet "Diana the Huntress'" idea to run off to elope before the parents had managed to learn to tolerate each other.

"You have something face," Wednesday commented in her usual monotone.

"What's that Di?" Lucas asked.

It took all Wednesday had not to shiver at the innocent question. Having him say something that sounded like "die" for a pet name for her always gave her butterflies. Still, she had an image to maintain. After the indignity of buying and wearing a _yellow sundress_ to try to impress his parents the night they announced their engagement Lucas had made it very clear he did not want his fiancée to change herself to please anyone. He loved Wednesday Addams, darkness and all. Especially the darkness they got up to in the bedroom. Lucas' bite was way better than his bark behind closed doors…

"Wednes?" Lucas prodded when he did not get an immediate answer. Although he was too polite (and not suicidal enough) to mention the little flush of pink that blossomed across his the bridge of his love's nose. Someone was thinking of what they got up to the night of her eighteenth birthday it seemed.

"I said you have something face. It's an expression I picked up from Xander and his puerile little friends when they visited in the past. What's on your mind?" Wednesday elaborated once she had control of herself again.

"Oh, nothing much. Just wondering how much easier our lives might have been if we had run that night and eloped when we had the chance instead of letting our Moms start plotting together," Lucas said with a smirk as he started taking food containers out of their pitch black picnic basket. He opened one to look inside and was nearly poked in the eye by what looked like sentient egg salad before he quickly closed the container again. _Okay, that was one of the ones Grandmama made for Wednesday,_ he thought as he slid the container over to his future wife.

"Would that be before my mother disowned me, left father for supporting us, and other members of the family hunted us down to punish you for stealing me away, or after?" Wednesday asked with a raised eyebrow. "And you're going to have to learn to defend yourself against Grandmama's cooking eventually, you know. My family won't make special meals for you forever," she warned after a pause.

"I wouldn't mind to try it sometime, hon. I just don't want to risk it before the wedding. I mean what would you do if we had to postpone everything because I was in the hospital with food poisoning for my weak stomach?" Lucas defended.

"I'd kill you," Wednesday replied with certainty.

"Exactly," Lucas responded with a contented grin. That was his little psychopath. God, he loved her. After digging out a sandwich that looked safe, right down to the fresh unmolded bread, he turned back to his bride to be and asked, "How could your mom leave? I thought there was no such thing as an Addams divorce?"

"There isn't. She would have never been unfaithful to Father. She just would have wandered the world miserable and alone, letting her pain drive her to insanity and death," Wednesday replied with a shrug.

"Almost sounds like something your mom would enjoy," Lucas mused.

"Not without Father there. The only time I've seen her cry was when Father was ill and she though he would die. Well and Pubert had mutated into some blond-haired cherub creature," Wednesday elaborated.

"Your parents are about the most in love couple I've ever seen after being married that long," Lucas agreed. "Although I could do without the things I've walked in on since they helped rekindle the spark in my mom and dad's marriage."

"Big baby," Wednesday scolded. As if walking in on your parents having sex was not such an unusual thing. Then again, for the Addams kids, it wasn't.

"Would you want to see Mel and Alice Beineke like that?" Lucas challenged.

Wednesday's eyes widened a bit before she grimaced at the mental image and conceded, "Point taken."

"Speaking of Pubert, how is your littlest brother doing?" Lucas asked.

"He's still in that boarding reform school the State insisted he be sent to, with no chance of even getting a pass to come to the wedding. Mother and Father are very proud," Wednesday answered.

"Neat. We'll have to send him another care package of weapons and tools or something later," Lucas suggested.

"Only if they're defective and he gets killed in the escape attempt," Wednesday muttered with a scowl. She had never bonded with Pubert the way she had with Pugsley. Then again, Pubert had a knack for escaping torture while Pugsley ran head first into it.  
"Okay," Lucas agreed. "So who would have hunted us down? Uncle Fester seemed pretty alright with me from the start," he asked to continue their earlier conversation.

"Cousin Xander would have led the charge. He's the one best adapted to life outside the Addams world and he's one of the heads of a worldwide organization with extensive resources to search for people. Looking back, since he was still in Africa and it would have taken him a while to get word of everything and get back, I'd have given it two months before he showed up to beat you senseless and put his favorite battleaxe to your throat. In retrospect, it wasn't my most well thought out plan," Wednesday responded.

"I love how all your family cares for each other," Lucas mused with a smile.

"We come together when we need to. And it will be nice to have Cousin Xander at our wedding when I wasn't allowed to go to his," Wednesday said.

"I didn't know he was married," Lucas said. "And why couldn't you go to the wedding?"

"The wedding didn't actually go through, but either way Mother refused to step foot in Sunnydale as long as Cousin Jessica was there. And Cousin Xander could hardly get married without his mother attending the ceremony. Granma Hester and Aunt Ophelia said it was a wonderful ceremony until some demon talked Xander into leaving his fiancée at the altar. Which reminds me, if anyone shows up with some mystical artifact that shows us having a terrible future together where you become a version of your father or kill me or something-" Wednesday warned.

"You'll kill me. I know. I'm not going to run away Wednesday. I prefer we keep the knife play in the bedroom," Lucas answered with a smile as he moved in to kiss his beloved.

Wednesday couldn't help but smile while she returned the affection and rand a hand over the fresh scar she had put on Lucas' ribcage the other night, eliciting a hiss from her man. Still, she would have to remember to ask Xander to keep track of any demons that might try to ruin her wedding. If things did not go off perfectly, she promised there would be Hell to pay.

* * *

There were many things you could say about Hester Griselda Frump. She was a long practicing witch and classmate to Gomez and Fester's mother, Eudora, god rest her wicked bones. She was overly critical of Morticia and Gomez both and proud of it. She indulged her dear Ophelia because her eldest just couldn't take the criticism her Morticia could. She spoiled her grandchildren rotten where she could.

And it was the thought of the grandchildren that had her looking at the invitation she had recently received. It was hard to picture little Wednesday getting married. She was so young. Even younger than Ophelia had been when she tried to marry her off to Gomez. And what a disaster that had been. Well, sort of. Looking back even Hester admitted Gomez and Morticia had truly been in love at first sight. And they gave her those wonderful three grandchildren to dote on. Why they even took in her own crazy old bat of a mother, Grandmama Esmerelda, and let the 102 year old nuisance stink up their attic with her habits instead of Hester's. She wondered if this Lucas boy would be as good a match for little Wednesday as Gomez had been for Morticia? She hoped so.

"Mama, do you know where the new liquid fertilizer Fester mixed for me is? I need to condition my hair. my flowers a looking a bit wilted," Ophelia asked as she floated into the room. As usual, she was a vision in her favorite white gauze and lace dress with her ever present ring of daisies living in her blond hair. She was also once again staying with her mother after another failed relationship. It seemed her dear Desmond was no more fond of her practicing Judo on him than her other lovers had been. Why was she cursed with fragile excuses for men while Morticia managed to snag one of the few decent ones she had ever found? Of course, that sentiment ignored the fact that Ophelia all but gave Gomez to her little sister to pursue Cousin Itt.

"I put it in the bathroom for you already, dearie. And remember not to let it near a spark. It's highly explosive just like most of Fester's concoctions," Granny Frump told her daughter.

Ophelia was about to thank her mother when she spied what Hester had in her hands and nearly broke out into tears, "Oh I can hardly believe little Wednesday is getting married already," she lamented.

"It's that Addams blood in her. They marry young and they marry for life. Or longer," Hester agreed.

"Do you think she might change her mind and leave him at the altar? It was so nice of Cousin Xander to do that for me. It was clear to see he loved his Anya. To jilt her like that to make me feel at home was so thoughtful," Ophelia commented in her usual oblivious way.

_That's why she thinks that debacle happened? She really does still need me to take care of her. At this rate I'll never be able to die and join my dearest husband. I certainly can't burden Morticia with her sister like this when she's already caring for her grandmother. Delays, delays, delays,_ Hester mused in her head. "You never know, Ophelia. We'll just have to wait and see. Now go tend to your flowers, child. You want them to look nice for when we get there for Wednesday's surprise engagement party later this week," she told her eldest daughter.

"You're right of course, Mother. I'll be back shortly," Ophelia responded before she danced out of the room like a wraith.

"I really need to get that one married off. Lovely girl, but dumb as a post. Why couldn't she have just continued her singing career after Gomez and Morticia did so much to set up those opportunities for her?" Hester lamented into her cup of tea.


	5. Chapter 5

"You're seriously bringing your best battleaxe and The Shovel?" Faith asked a few days later as she watched Xander start to pack his things for the trip to New York.

"Aunt Tisha asked for The Shovel the last time I talked to her on the phone. Wednesday reminded me to bring the battleaxe," Xander explained with a shrug.

"Okay, I kind of get the first with this dude marrying her little girl and all, but why would your cuz' want you to be armed?" Faith asked.

"Other than her appreciation for all things sharp and deadly in general? She's heard the stories of my aborted wedding to Ahn. I'm under strict orders "to eviscerate any demon stupid enough to interfere with the wedding," I think were her exact words," Xander replied.

"Didn't think your expended family was into our side of things, X," Faith commented.

"They're not. Not exactly, anyway. They don't deal with demons as a rule, although I do have quite a few people that can use different kinds of mojo in various branches of the family tree. The best I can explain it is that long before there were a bunch of emo kids and wannabes trying to be dark and gothic out there, there were certain very old families that were dark and odd naturally. The Addamses and the Frumps are two of those families. It's like a whole sub-culture two steps to the left of normal, but they stay so insular to each other that the strange stuff IS normal to them and we'd seem off somehow," Xander explained.

"Uh…huh," Faith responded, clearly not getting what he was trying to tell her.

"Let me put it this way. Other than my Mom, I'm probably the most normal member of my family," Xander elaborated.

"And now I'm actually scared for the first time since I agreed to roll out with you," Faith teased with a chuckle.

"Look, just try to keep an open mind. You'll probably get along great with them because you are way more adaptable than Buff or Wills have ever been," Xander advised. Honestly, he was more worried about what Willow had found out about this Luca kid. From what she could find the kid was a normal as normal could get. Born and raised in Ohio, a little less than a year older than Wednesday, went to NYU to start college as an English major, although now he's taking some of the prep classes for a coroner or medical examiner. His father owns a construction and demolition company. Mom is a housewife. Everything about him screamed "All-American boy" like a Fourth of July parade. So either he was secretly a serial killer (which Wednesday would admittedly probably enjoy) of something very strange was going on with his little cousin.

Then again, the list of Xander's loves included Cordelia and an 1,100 year old former vengeance demon that had been a Viking woman the first time she had been human, so who was he to judge? He could play executioner if the kid got out of line, maybe, but he certainly couldn't be the judge.

* * *

As Xander tried to think about what had gotten lodged into Wednesday's brain, her fiancé was learning a much needed skill for a future Addams man.

"Gomez, I'm really not much of a dancer. Are you guys sure I have to learn this for when I meet the rest of Wednesday's family?" Lucas asked nervously.

"You'll do fine, my boy. Why look at Fester. He had to do the Mamushka while pretending he was himself and dealing with a horrible case of amnesia. And this will help to impress some of the less tolerant of our relatives," Gomez replied.

"Just keep in mind that we won't be using blunted knives on the night in question," Fester warned with a chuckle.

"Knives don't scare me, Uncle Fester. I'm marrying Wednesday," Lucas reminded the bald man.

Both Addams laughed heartily at his comment before Gomez got back to work. "Now it's step, step, step, clap. Turn, step, step, step, clap. Boot slap, stomp, boot slap, stomp, clap, and move arm in arm in a circle," Gomez instructed as he walked Lucas through the steps.

* * *

"I still can't believe Father is teaching him the Mamushka for the reception," Wednesday groused as she helped her mother remove the blooms from her roses. Part of Wednesday wanted to sneak a few of the fragrant flower petals away for a more tender night with Lucas later, but she knew her Mother would have a fit at the very notion. She'd just have to rely on Lurch reserving them for her like she asked when he cleaned up later.

"Why ever not? Your father and your uncle have become quite attached to your fiancé, my dear. And it's good that he is doing all he can to fit in with the family," Morticia replied.

"He doesn't need to kill himself to fit in, Mother. I like him just fine the way he is. And if anyone will hurt or kill him at some point, it's my job to do it," the younger Addams woman retorted.

"It's good to see you have such a mature grasp of your wifely duties," Morticia complimented as she removed another fresh bloom from her beloved thorns.

"This isn't going to turn into another sex talk is it? Believe me, we don't need any help there," Wednesday bluntly informed her mother.

"That is good to hear. Wanton passion and depravity is a keystone of a healthy marriage," Morticia responded with a wicked smile.

"I know," Wednesday agreed with her own smirk.

"You know, if you ever need to borrow anything you just have to ask. I know it's hard to find decent pokers these days that can be heated to a proper temperature in the fire. The welds give before they even come close to being red hot," Morticia offered.

Wednesday was about to refuse out of hand before she stopped to consider the offer. She was having fun pushing Lucas' pain tolerances in the bedroom, just as he liked to push hers. Granted, until Grandmama got his tolerance for damage up to acceptable levels with a few potions and food additives they'd have to be careful about it, but it might be fun. Well, except for the idea of borrowing her parents' playthings. "Maybe you could just give me the name of a good local blacksmith? That way I don't have to worry about returning it to you later," Wednesday conceded.

The proud smile on her mother's face would fill Wednesday with equal parts of pride and disgust for years to come.

* * *

"Grandmama, what are you making?" Pugsley asked. He had quickly grown tired of watching his father and uncle try to team Lucas to dance when it was obvious they weren't even going to use real knives on him yet and had wandered the manor until he found himself with his great-grandmother in the kitchen.

"Just something for your sister to put in her young man's drink tonight at dinner," Grandmama replied as she stirred her cauldron.

"Wednesday is trying to poison him already," Pugsley asked in an envious tone.

"Hah. Not exactly. This is more the opposite. Something we came up with centuries ago when it was harder for the old families to come together and it was more common to marry outsiders. This and a few other goodies I'm cooking up will make it so we don't have to keep making special food or getting takeout for Lucas to eat when he joins us for meals," Granny explained.

"So it will make him into a real Addams? How come we don't give it to people like Cousin Jess that are sick then?" Pugsley asked.

"Not exactly. It will make you more resistant to damage but it won't alter the mind. The person drinking it won't start to think like an Addams. They just won't be so fragile. Of course, the fact Lucas picked Wednesday of his own free will says he has a good enough head on his shoulders already. Surely you've noticed that it seems more like he's marrying into the family than your sister is trying to marry out of it," she elaborated.

"I guess," Pugsley conceded. It had been cool of Lucas to help him out on the rack and with the Iron Maiden while Wednesday had been busy. He certainly wasn't like those stuck up idiots at Chippewa that had called his family circus freaks. Of course, that didn't mean that Pugsley liked the thought of Wednesday moving out where she would no longer be able to torture him daily. "But what about Cousin Jess?"

"Sadly, the potions only seem to work on outsiders. Those of us born… different already are still strong enough to fight off the ingredients as a rule. And, sorry to say, but it was more Jessie's man wanting her to leave than her problems with taking it like and Addams that caused the issues there, kiddo. Your mom always knew Jess was fragile, but they were still the best of friends growing up. Then Tony came," Gandmama lamented.

"How come Mother doesn't make up with Cousin Jess now that Cousin Jess' husband is dead? If they were friends again, maybe Cousin Xander could visit more," Pugsley asked.

"That's up to Jessie and your mom, my little wharf rat. Unfortunately Frump women are stubborn as hell. Look at your grandmother still trying to marry off your Aunt Ophelia. If that's not a lost cause I don't know what is," Granny confided with a chuckle.

Pugsley didn't know if he agreed with Aunt Ophelia being a lost cause. Look how long it was before Uncle Fester had married Debbie. Of course now he seemed to be in love with the Moon instead, now that Debbie was dead and all, but he still found someone. Maybe he could talk to Cousin Xander about it when he got there for the stupid engagement party Pugsley wasn't supposed to talk about. He might know someone older that would be a good match for Ophelia. Maybe that "G-man" Cousin Xander had told him about would work?


	6. Chapter 6

Okay, just to clear some things up before we start for the sake of those that don't know and because I keep getting asked about this, Lucas is not an OC or a crossover character. He is the young man that stole Wednesday's heart in the Addams Family musical that was on Broadway recently and is currently touring the United States. The best I can tell those not in the cities where it is playing to is look online and you can find some of the songs and videos that can give you as much of an idea of his personality as I have. One thing to keep in mind though, this somewhat timid and normal boy first met Wednesday as she was hunting small animals for her own amusement in Central Park with a crossbow. His first thought wasn't "Oh God, she's nuts." It was "Wow. She looks like Diana the Huntress with that crossbow in her hands." That's the best insight I can give you into his personality and why he and Wednesday work. And with that said, on with the fic…

* * *

"What do you mean we have to go taste wedding cake samples? I thought Lurch and Grandmama were going to make it. That's what we did for Uncle Fester and Debbie," Wednesday protested as Morticia and Alice informed her of what she and Lucas would be doing for the day.

"Yeah, Mom. You even talked about how talented of a cake decorator Lurch was when you saw the pictures of the cake," Lucas chimed in.

"I know, sweetie. But this is for the cake for our side of the family. I don't think many of us will be able to take a nightshade cake too well," Alice replied with an apologetic shrug. "Besides, Morticia and I have been talking and it occurs to us that we may have been pushing you two a bit hard lately with fitting and other arrangements. This is kind of out way to get you two out on the town together without us breathing down your necks for a few hours."

"By making us eat cake?" Wednesday replied in a tone that Morticia last heard her daughter use when she had returned from summer camp nearly seven years ago.

_You sent up to camp. They made us sing. _Morticia still fondly recalled the tiniest bit of fear that had crept into Gomez's face at Wednesday's words back then. It was not often that you could give and Addams man pause, but her little monster of a girl had done it. She was so proud.

"I know it would not be your favorite activity, my dear, but it is necessary. And you can take a nice walk through the industrial park or along that delightfully polluted section of the Hudson near the bakery after you are done," Morticia offered.

Wednesday cut a suspicious look at her mother at that. Morticia had accepted Lucas for the most part, but she was hardly the type to encourage Wednesday to take off for a romantic afternoon with him while she could torture the both of them with wedding minutiae. Something was going on and both mothers clearly wanted her and Lucas out of the house for it. The very idea that they thought the woman who had spent her formative years playing life or death games with Pugsley, and winning at them, would fall for so easy a ploy was insulting. Although, time with Lucas away from prying eyes and knowing looks _would_ be a welcome opportunity. And if they were lucky she could get some idiot to accost them during the walk and work off some stress. Most of the unsavory types in New York knew better than to even approach an Addams instinctively, but there was always the occasional fool with less honed than normal survival instincts. And taking out the trash like that tended to get her worked up. She could already picture the broken glass in the dank motel room she and Lucas could scare up after her fun. Yes. Yes, that would work.

"Is there any particular time you need us back from whatever you're trying to get us out of the house for?" Wednesday finally asked evenly.

If Morticia was at all surprised that Wednesday had called her out on her plans she didn't show it as she responded, "Just be back in time for dinner, children. Lurch should have it ready by seven thirty."

* * *

It was roughly an hour or two later that a heavily, if inconspicuously, armored black SUV pulled up to the front of the manor at number 13, Cemetery Lane. "Open up, Gate. It's just me, Xander," Xander called out as he stuck his head out of the driver's side window.

Faith looked over at Xander like he had cracked. Why was Boytoy talking to the gate of his relatives' house like it was alive? Needless she was somewhat surprised when the gate in question opened. Weird, it looked way too old to be automatic. And she didn't see any motors around to help it operate. And she had to be imagining things when she side on Xander's half of car swung back just enough to meet Xander's outstretched hand as is it were returning a high five. She also definitely did not hear a sound from the gate that was somewhere between w growl and a croon of animalistic approval. "Okay, Boytoy, I give. What's the gag?" she finally asked as they pulled up the driveway and parked the car.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I kind of forget that. Gate is alive. I don't know who animated him, but he's been alive for as long as anyone can remember. And considering the land the house is on was given to an Addams ancestor before America was even a country, it could be some seriously old mojo. But, he's harmless. Kind of likes to mess with people like the mailman sometimes but in the day an age of things like automated security systems he doesn't even seem that strange. At least, not until he growls at you," Xander explained with a chuckle.

"Yeah. And suddenly I get why B would have been a bad idea to come with," Faith shot back with a sideways glance as she tried to figure out if Xander was just playing her for a sucker. I mean, it wasn't like they did see stranger things several times a week, but the thought that a living gate could be so normal for his family that X-man forgot about it made his warnings over the last couple of weeks to keep an open mind seem a little more real.

"Just remember, no slaying unless I say its okay. No matter how strange they may seem my family is still human. Mostly," Xander warned the brunette Slayer with a grin the bordered on unhinged before he opened his door ad hopped out of the car.

"Why do I get the feeling I might be in for a wild few days?" Faith asked herself as she got out of the SUV herself and jogged up to stand at Xander's blind side and cover him out of habit.

Xander had a little spring in his step as he hit the doorbell and waited for someone to answer. It had been too long since he had seen Auntie Tisha and her family. These were probably the only relatives Xander had that he liked. The way they rolled with anything no matter how unusual had always impressed him. Doubly so when he had learned about thing the lurked in the Darkness that he wasn't possibly related to. Xander had been so afraid Morticia and Gomez would reject him the way Auntie Tisha had his mother when he revealed he was working with the Slayer, something he didn't even both revealing to his own parents. Instead their reaction had been something akin to pride and joy. After all, demons and monsters that killed indiscriminately and wanted to end the world were just "rude" and needed to be kept under control to keep the night safe for everyone else. Besides, Xander was fighting for his life and killing things far stronger than him. How could they not be proud of his initiative?

Faith did her best not to flinch at Xan rang the bell only for it to chime with the sound of a deep toned church bell or gong rather than a regular doorbell. The door to the house opened a moment later to reveal what looked like a cross between a goreless Romero-era zombie and Frankenstein's monster in a turn of the century tuxedo, wearing a frilly white apron over it, and holding a feather duster it its free hand. _Remember Faith. No Slaying till X gives the word,_ she reminded herself in her head at the sight of the creature.

"You rang?" Lurch asked out of habit as he answered the door.

"Hey, Lurch, good to see you big guy. We're here for the party. Where's Aunt Tisha?" Xander asked with a warm smile.

Lurch gave a tiny grin in response to Xander's greeting before he groaned out a slow "Follow me," as he turned back into the house and started toward the stairs that led to the ballroom where the engagement party was being staged. As it was the least used room in the Addams house, and was someplace Wednesday rarely had reason to enter, it was the perfect place to start setting up the decorations with the young couple being none the wiser.

"So I see they have you cleaning up for the big surprise party," Xander commented after looking at Lurch's attire.

Lurch let out a groan at the question that gave the impression that he was being worked to the bone to get everything right for the engagement party.

"Oh, yeah. Lurch, this is my good friend Faith. Faith, this is Lurch, Uncle Gomez and Auntie Tisha's butler. Don't let the job fool you, though. He's pretty much family. And Uncle Gomez always says he has the heart of an Addams. We're not sure which Addams, but he still has one of their hearts," Xander 'joked' with a smile.

"Nice to meet you Big Man," Faith said as she stuck out her hand to shake Lurch's. She felt like her arm was going to get pulled off as he returned the gesture somewhat clumsily and smiled at her. It was the butler's smile that put Faith at ease about him. He had warm eyes even if he did seem like a super-sized reject from a monster movie. Besides, Xander seemed to thing he was good people. That was good enough for her.

"Alexander Lavelle Harris. It has been entirely too long," a cultured and sultry feminine voice broke in from the top of the flight of stairs. Morticia Addams glared down at Xander with her arms crossed, her face the picture of icy disdain. She was dressed in what looked like a crushed velvet and lace variation of her favorite skin-tight style of black dress, complete with an "octopus tentacles" style train around her feet and a generous bit of cleavage that defied the fact that Morticia was actually forty-seven years of age. Her appearance was the kind of timeless beauty that never seemed to change. And it didn't hurt that most members of the "old families" tended to age far better than average. Although, in all fairness, an excluding rare exceptions like Grandmama or Granny Hester, most members of the old families tended to meet their makers by less than natural causes. The Addams family cemetery was filled with cases of gruesome deaths of one form or another, but very few that died in bed at a ripe old age.

"Hi Aunt Tisha," Xander responded sheepishly toward his cousin's reproachful comment. Not that he thought of her as a cousin, really. She had insisted he call her "Aunt" or "Auntie" from the time he was seven and his mom had made her one and only attempt to mend fences with Morticia at the birth of Wednesday by bringing her one and only son with her to meet the newest addition to the family. Morticia and Jessica had remained frosty to each other, but Morticia had taken a shine to her "nephew" almost immediately. And while Jessica had not even entered the state of New York since that ill fated visit, Xander had a standing invitation to come and stay whenever he liked.

"Oh, my boy, let me look at you," Morticia sighed as she glided down the last few steps and embraced Jessica's only son and delivered a motherly kiss on each of his cheeks. As she stepped back she looked Xander over with a critical eye before she exclaimed, "You have entirely too much color. How can you work almost exclusively at night dealing with minions of unspeakable evil and still get so much sun?"

"I live in a house filled with teenage girls that all want to shop and hang out in the mall in their downtime. I have to be awake to keep an eye on them," Xander replied with a shrug.

"Yes. I suppose it's good to try to curb such unsavory impulses as going to a shopping mall even if you do have to spend too much time outdoors," Morticia conceded seriously.

"Aunt Tisha, I want you to meet Faith," Xander said after a moment as he stepped aside to allow Faith to introduce herself.

"Nice to meet you," Faith said with a confident grin. So far her first impression of Morticia Addams was something akin to someone combining Joyce, Drusilla, Cordelia, and an older version of Faith herself together. She could just imagine how B, Giles, and the Pip would freak out at the sight of her.

"Charmed," Morticia responded with a polite smile and a gentlewoman's shake of faith's hand. "Xander has mentioned you many times before. It's a pleasure to meet you in person."

"Nothin' too bad I hope?" Faith asked with a playful scowl at Xander.

"Only the fun parts," Morticia replied with a wicked smile.

Xander could sense the beginnings of a conversation that could lead to embarrassing stories all around and decided to try to nip things in the proverbial bud as he asked, "So where are Wednesday and her fiancé? I'm looking forward to talking to him."

"Oh, I do hope you brought your shovel," Morticia responded with a nasty gleam in her eyes that matched the one in Xander's remaining one.

"Of course. Like I've said before, a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend. Is the spot between the Glicker kid and Tully still free, just in case?" Xander asked with a shark's grin.

"It is indeed. Although that conversation will have to wait. Lucas' mother and I sent the children out on an errand to give us time to set everything up for the party. In the meantime, why don't you two head over toward the study? Gomez, Uncle Fester, and Pugsley are in there playing darts with Thing. Alice and I will catch up with you when we're done and you can tell us what you think of the decorations," Morticia informed the Watcher and senior Slayer. "Lurch, be a dear and bring in their bags," she added to the butler.

She turned her attention back to Faith and Xander ask she asked, "Will you need one room or two?"

"We can just get a hotel room, Aunt Tisha. I know you have a lot of family coming over. Heck the Council has safe houses in the city we can use. Being a Watcher does have its perks," Xander tried to protest.

"A hotel room? I won't hear of it. You are family, Alexander. You and your friend will stay here where it's comfortable. Besides, Pugsley has been dying to spend time with you and I know Wednesday has missed you too. Would you deny them both the chance to spend time with you?" Morticia asked.

"I don't mind Boytoy. It's not like we haven't shared a bed before if we need to double up or something," Faith replied with a shrug.

"Fine. If you're sure it won't be an imposition," Xander replied with a slump of his shoulders.

"None whatsoever. We have plenty of room. Lurch, if you could take them to the guest rooms next to Debbie's old room I would appreciate it," Morticia ordered as Lurch groaned in agreement and shuffled off back down the stairs. "Xander, be a dear and show Faith the way to the study. Perhaps you can even give her a tour of the grounds later? The swamps are simple delightful this time of years now that it's getting colder and the fog is rolling in."

It was clear to both younger adults that Morticia as in her version of "General Buffy" mode and that it was better to be elsewhere for the moment as Xander replied, "No problem. I'll show her the way,"

"Excellent. If we don't call you in earlier to see the decorations then Lurch and Grandmama should call everyone together for Lunch in another hour or so. We can start to catch up properly then," Morticia added with a fond smile. "Faith, it was delightful to meet you. I will see you both soon," she added before heading back toward the ballroom.

Once she was gone Xander said, "Sorry about that. She's not usually the type to order people around. I think the wedding planning might be getting to her."

"No biggie. She seems pretty cool for a mom-type. So what's your Uncle like?" Faith replied in a nonchalant manner as Xander led her back downstairs toward the study.

Xander was quiet for a moment as he pondered her question before he replied, "Uncle Gomez is kind of hard to explain. He's kind of… well-" Xander started as he opened the door for the study and stepped in, only to be forced to tilt his head to the side as a rapier whizzed by him and embedded itself in the frame near where he had been standing.

"Ah, missed!" Gomez cried in frustration.

"Well, he's like that?" Xander finished with an innocent grin.


	7. Chapter 7

It was a credit to Faith's self control that she didn't immediately leap at Gomez Addams once the sword he had thrown had nearly taken out her favorite Boytoy's remaining eye. It probably didn't hurt when Xander gave feral grin and pulled the blade fluidly from the wall in a reversed grip before letting it swing around in an expert arc to reach an en guarde position.

"Really Uncle Gomez. Trying the same trick twice?" Xander asked with nasty smile.

"In my defense, old son, the first time I tried it I did nick your ear. And you had two eyes, then," Gomez defended with a wide smile of his own as he moved in for a lunge.

Xander defended the strike automatically as he responded, "I was only sixteen then. Have you really run out of dirty tricks after only nine years?"

"Ha ha! Never, nephew. But it was worth seeing how your depth perception and reaction time had been affected. Can't have you getting soft can we?" Gomez asked as the pair moved into a rather complicated match of fencing prowess. Unlike Lucas, who took his sword fighting cues from the more taciturn styles of Morticia and Lurch and let Gomez do most of the work, it was clear for anyone to see that Xander took after his opponent in his approach to the Art of the Blade. The pair fought like a mirrored set, neither truly gaining nor losing the advantage against the other for several moments, until decades more experience allowed Gomez to slip into Xander's blind spot and disarm him. His smile never wavered as he asked "Do you give up?" as he held the blade to Xander's throat from the side in a position to lay open his carotid artery.

Xander looked less than concerned as he replied, "I was about to ask you that?" and glanced down between them.

Gomez glanced down for a moment as well and finally noticed the dagger Xander had palmed into a reverse grip at some point and now had poised to plunge it into Gomez's heart at an angle just under the breastbone should he try to press his attack. "Dirty pool, nephew. I like it," Gomez commented with a note of approval before tossing his sword into the air where Thing caught it and resheathed the blade in its place on the wall.

Xander likewise returned his back-up dagger to it hidden sheath at the small of his back before he relaxed his stance as Gomez laughed heartily and hugged him with all his might.

"Xander! It's good to see you, lad. And this enchanting young thing must be Faith. Come. Introduce us. Or are you too embarrassed to show a young lady off to your family?" Gomez said as if the pair had not been locked in what looked like mortal combat a mere moment ago.

Xander rolled his eyes as he protested, "It's nothing like that, Uncle. Faith and I aren't dating and I would never be ashamed of my family. Well, not the family here, at least."

"Fair enough, but still introduce us. Before your young lady decides to skewer me with the dagger she just palmed from the wall," Gomez responded as he threw his right arm over Xander's shoulder.

If anything Xander looked upset at Faith as he gave her a stern look at Gomez's revelation.

"Don't give me that look, Boytoy. It's self preservation. The Original Scoobs would fillet me like a Polgara demon's dinner if I let you get hurt on what was supposed to be a nice family visit," Faith defended with a shrug as she replaced the knife to where it had been mounted on the study wall.

"You out of anyone should know if it was serious I would have gone for an axe, Faith. Uncle Gomez could take me out in seconds with a sword if he wanted to. I'm okay, but he taught me almost everything I know," Xander replied with an annoyed huff.

"Looked better'n okay to me, X. You could have given G a run for his money years ago with moves like that," Faith shot back.

"Faith, you and the other girls treat Giles with kid gloves because of his age. I saw him skewer the mayor in a move that I could barely follow, in the middle of the library, with a training foil. Trust me; he can more than hold his own with a real sword. Besides, my point stands. I'm good. Uncle Gomez is way better."

"Nonsense, my boy. You've improved a great deal. Why I never saw that dagger pull coming and I should have with how similar it was to staking a vampire. I'm betting the blade is blessed silver for just that reason, too," Gomez protested.

"Cold Iron with a blessed silver inlay. You can never be too careful," Xander explained. "Anyway, Faith, this is my Uncle Gomez Addams. The pale guy with no hair is his brother, Fester," Xander said as he began the introductions.

"Call me Uncle Fester, Miss. Everyone does," Fester interjected with a jovial grin.

"The one over by the dartboard in the striped shirt is my cousin Pugsley, and there next to you is Uncle Gomez's oldest friend, Thing," Xander finished with a nod to the nearby cabinet where a severed hand flipped up on its stump to wave at her.

"He good people too?" Faith asked with a nod toward the hand.

"Everyone in the house is. No Evil Dead severed hands or anything like that here. And I'll point you at them if anyone shows up that doesn't belong at the party or the wedding," Xander promised.

"Works for me," Faith replied as Thing jumped over and shook her hand.

"Nice ta' meet you, too, Thing," Faith said as she returned the greeting.

"I like her, she's not snobby like the redhead was," Pugsley commented from the corner near the actual dartboard.

Xander rolled his eyes as he responded, "Willow wasn't being snobby, Pugsley. She felt out of place because she had to come here with me at the last minute. And she was afraid of Homer. Spiders freaked her out. How would have liked to have stayed with… Cousin Pretensia or something at the last minute? Besides she was only fourteen. Fourteen year old girls that aren't Wednesday get scared of things sometimes."

"Well Red did have her moments when I first came to the 'Dale, Xan," Faith noted from the sidelines.

"Yeah, she did. But trust me, this was her being shy and out of place. Remember, this was all pre-Buffy," Xander reminded Faith. "Anyway, everyone, this is obviously Faith. My friend and second most senior Slayer on the face of the Earth."

With the introductions out of the way, Pugsley wasted no time as he asked, "Did you bring anything fun for after the party, Cousin Xander?"

"Fun?" Faith asked with a sideways glace at Xander. There was a strangely familiar emphasis on the word "fun" there. One Xander had used before going to his preferred "Plan B" of "blow the demon the f*ck up and see what happens."

"Indeed. I prefer to mix my own, or just use good old fashioned dynamite, but Pugley is at that age where curiosity can take a boy to heights the previous generation never reached. And Xander here knows more about military high grade explosives than I could teach the boy about," Uncle Fester explained.

"Wow. You mean it's genetic and not a guy thing that just skipped Jeeves? I mean, I got Andy not being into the big booms and all given that he's Andy, but I never woulda' pegged you for having family that mixed their own explosives before," Faith said with a smirk.

"Please. Buffy thought my military memories were where I learned to make a proper ANFO rig to take out the mayor. Uncle Fester taught me that trick when I was here the summer before my senior year," Xander explained with a roll of his eye.

"It was a funny story really, it started with the children explaining what I had taught them about blasting caps when I returned to the family earlier that year and how it compared to what Xander had picked up by the time he was ten," Fester explained as the conversation fell into one about one of his favorite topics.

* * *

As Faith got further acquainted with the Addams Family, Wednesday held in her grimace at the taste of yet another piece of "cake" that might be served to her future in-laws. She had learned to enjoy several "normal" things in the course of her courtship with Lucas. For example, Wednesday learned she had a real weakness for banana splits of all things. She loved to get bunches of chrysanthemums. And Chia pets. She loved the way Chia Pets shattered when she shot them with her crossbow.

But this… excuse for cake was just awful. It was too cloyingly sweet. It needed something to take the edge off. Something with kick. Maybe some kerosene, or her flask of arsenic in her purse…

"No, Di," Lucas muttered as it reading her mind.

"Just a little to improve the taste," Wednesday implored in her typical deadpan.

"It we don't know what it really tastes like we can't give it to my family because we can't improve it the same way at home. But I agree that the last one was way too sweet. Maybe something in dark chocolate? With anything less sweet than the butter cream icing? And with almonds. You like how the almonds smell like cyanide," Lucas suggested.

"I still think the nightshade cake with mercury frosting will be fine," Wednesday grumbled.

"It will, for us. But sending all of my family to the emergency room on our wedding day would kind of defeat the purpose of going through all of this," Lucas replied.

"You're not including yourself in the people going to the hospital?" Wednesday asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I figured with what you've told me about Grandmama that you have something brewing for me. I've kind of noticed odd flavors in my food any time I eat at your house or you eat with me. I just assumed you were building up my tolerances," Lucas replied with a smile.

"You're risking your life again just to make me happy," Wednesday noted with a nearly imperceptible widening of her eyes. "That is _so_ hot," she added with a naughty grin.

"Anything for you, Di. You know that," Lucas said with a sheepish smile of his own.

"Well if it makes you feel any better, it's not just slow poisoning Grandmama is helping you with. It's an old family recipe that should help you with all kinds of things like our wedding cake. But I can't say any more than that until after the wedding," Wednesday elaborated for her fiancé.

"Family secret. I got it. So, what do you want to do once we're out of here and have time to kill before whatever surprise party they're throwing is ready?" Lucas asked.

"Maybe we can take that walk Mother suggested. I want to see if anyone around here is stupid enough to try to mug us. They usually know instinctively to leave my family alone but with you there they might try it," Wednesday said with the same gleam in her eye she had that day she was hunting in Central Park.

"Just remember to make it look like something that fits around here. It's a long way back to dump a body in the bog because it had and arrow wound," Lucas cautioned her.

"I know, dear," Wednesday returned in a dismissive tone of voice.

Before the conversation could go any further, the assistant baker came out with the next tray of samples to inflict upon the couple. It would be at least another two hours before they managed to work out exactly what they wanted for the "Beineke" cake for the reception.

On the plus side, though, the romantic stroll afterward ended up being everything that Wednesday had hoped it would be. Right down to the ratty motel room after the preliminary festivities were taken care of.


End file.
